Do you remember making friends at six years old? Maybe you easily met someone on the monkey bars, or you coordinated a game of tag, or you started up a conversation with your soccer teammate that blossomed into a friendship. For many of us, making and establishing friends seemed easier then. At six years old, the world seemed ripe with friendship opportunities.
As an adult, maybe things have changed for you. You’ve lived in the real world longer. Relationships have come and gone. Some of those relationships may have tarnished your views on friendship. Maybe you’ve grown tired of trying to find and keep good friends. You’ve had too many experiences with toxic friends that have left you drained, questioning if this whole “friendship” thing is worth all your time and effort. Or maybe you’ve simply lost friends due to career changes or physically moving to a new location.
While there’s no doubt that relationships are work (and work is sometimes difficult), God doesn’t call us to a life of isolation. With that said, it’s important to know what qualities to look for when establishing healthy, life-giving friendships. To attract good friends, we must first be a good friend.
In the book “Safe People” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, they state how healthy relationships should do three things:
And to have friendships that accomplish these three healthy goals, we need to understand the characteristics of healthy relationships.
To encourage means to inspire courage or confidence in another person. As God’s Word tells us, we are to build up one another in love (1 Thess. 5:11). Good friends seek to do what’s best by the other person, not making decisions out of selfish gain, but rather, making decisions that first honor God and then honor the other person made in the image of God.
When looking for godly friendships, we first need to be a good friend. We should be willing to inspire and embolden those around us to use the gifts, talents, and resources that God has given them. And we should also look for friends who are willing to do the same for us. God wants us to be closest to those who will build us up in the body of Christ. Encouraging friends will listen to understand, encourage you to stay on the path of righteousness, and be willing to pray and support you in your walk with the Lord.
Whenever I think of a good friend in the Bible, I think of Nathan. Nathan was willing to call out his friend’s sin and direct David back to the path of righteousness. Because Nathan first loved God, he was willing to have an uncomfortable conversation. Nathan showed love for his friend by confronting him about his sin (2 Sam 12).
If we want to be a good friend and attract good friends, we should be willing to take part in uncomfortable conversations. With ears to hear, we should be open to correction and seek friends who are humble enough to listen and receive correction as well. Being a good friend and attracting good friends, starts with having a humble heart that loves the Lord. In humility, good friends seek to become more like Christ. They model the fruits of the Spirit by being long-suffering in relationships- knowing that we are all sinful and need the grace of God in our daily walk (Gal 5:22-23).
When we stay in God’s Word, we begin to desire and lean on Him to direct us in our friendships. Loving relationships include correction that come from both God’s Word and His people (Prov. 12:1).
It’s not an easy task, but we are called to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. If we want to have healthy relationships, we first need to be willing to forgive- knowing that even those we trust and love will sin against us, and we too will sin against them.
I can admit, it’s “easier” to hold a grudge or meddle on past hurts- talking poorly of those who have sinned against us. But it’s important to first address our hurts with the person who hurt us, and bring that pain before God (Matt. 18:15-17). God will provide peace, comfort, and direction as we navigate our pain.
With that said, the Lord will also give guidance if this relationship is or isn’t one that is drawing us closer to Him, closer to others, or helping us become the person we’re called to be in Christ. There are “friendships” that can be very self-serving and toxic, where the other person is not repentant or willing to acknowledge their wrongdoing. These relationships are not safe to maintain in the long-run. While we can forgive the other person, sometimes these relationships are best kept at a distance. We can love the person from afar- praying the Holy Spirit will direct that person back to the path of righteousness.
Restored relationships come through repentance and forgiveness. Both are necessary for healthy, life-giving friendships. We see this modeled in how Peter responded after Jesus’ resurrection. Jesus forgave Peter for his betrayal, and Peter repented of his sin. The relationship was restored (John 21). Even if we don’t have a restored relationship with someone who hurt us, we can still forgive and leave it to God. Ultimately, good friendships involve both repentance and forgiveness.
Don’t give up hope in seeking healthy friendships. We have a God of hope who works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28). He desires for you to grow in relationship with Him, and He wants you to find the close friends that draw you closer to Him and help you grow into the person you were created to be in His image.
I had the privilege and wonderful opportunity to attend the Write-to-Publish conference at Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL this month. For my writing friends, if you haven’t attended this conference, I highly recommend it! It was so encouraging and helpful to be amongst Christian writers, speakers, and media creators. I loved meeting Christian writers from all over the world.
I took this photo next to College Church on Wheaton College’s campus. Struck by the beauty of the sun’s rays slipping through the clouds, I stopped my morning run to snap a picture. Later in the day, as I was showing the photo to a friend, I noticed I also captured a bird mid-flight. How beautiful is God’s creation!
I made so many wonderful friends at Write-to-Publish. This is Raewyn Nelsgood out of Sydney, Australia. She is a chaplain, writer, and speaker who brings aid to those who need disaster relief. Check her out here: https://www.raewynelsegood.com/
I’m also with my good friend, Rachel Knapp. She is a fantasy-fiction author who has already published several short stories. She creates fun video content on Instagram that highlights her work, and she is on her way to publishing her first book! I’m thankful to have Rachel as an encourager and close writing friend. Check her out here: https://www.rachelknappauthor.com/
During the conference, I was able to visit the Marion E. Wade Center. This museum specializes in preserving the works of six British authors: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Owen Barfield, Charles Williams, G.K. Chesterton, Dorothy L. Sayers, and George MacDonald. I was able to see the actual writing desks of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. I even got to the visit the wardrobe that inspired “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”. It was truly inspiring to be amongst the greatest works and creations from some of the best writers of the 19th and 20th Century.
J.R.R. Tolkien’s desk where he wrote “The Hobbit”
C.S. Lewis’ desk
The actual wardrobe that inspired, “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”.
I’m still working on my book! Thank you for your continued support and prayers as I continue this writing journey.
Keep seeking the Lord in your health and relationships!
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
The post Attracting & Keeping Healthy Friendships: What Qualities Make a Good Friend? appeared first on Fish Full Life.
As an adult, maybe things have changed for you. You’ve lived in the real world longer. Relationships have come and gone. Some of those relationships may have tarnished your views on friendship. Maybe you’ve grown tired of trying to find and keep good friends. You’ve had too many experiences with toxic friends that have left you drained, questioning if this whole “friendship” thing is worth all your time and effort. Or maybe you’ve simply lost friends due to career changes or physically moving to a new location.
While there’s no doubt that relationships are work (and work is sometimes difficult), God doesn’t call us to a life of isolation. With that said, it’s important to know what qualities to look for when establishing healthy, life-giving friendships. To attract good friends, we must first be a good friend.
In the book “Safe People” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, they state how healthy relationships should do three things:
- Draw us closer to God.
- Draw us closer to others.
- Help us become the person God created us to be.
And to have friendships that accomplish these three healthy goals, we need to understand the characteristics of healthy relationships.
Good friendships should be encouraging and supportive.
To encourage means to inspire courage or confidence in another person. As God’s Word tells us, we are to build up one another in love (1 Thess. 5:11). Good friends seek to do what’s best by the other person, not making decisions out of selfish gain, but rather, making decisions that first honor God and then honor the other person made in the image of God.
When looking for godly friendships, we first need to be a good friend. We should be willing to inspire and embolden those around us to use the gifts, talents, and resources that God has given them. And we should also look for friends who are willing to do the same for us. God wants us to be closest to those who will build us up in the body of Christ. Encouraging friends will listen to understand, encourage you to stay on the path of righteousness, and be willing to pray and support you in your walk with the Lord.
Good friends provide direction and correction.
Whenever I think of a good friend in the Bible, I think of Nathan. Nathan was willing to call out his friend’s sin and direct David back to the path of righteousness. Because Nathan first loved God, he was willing to have an uncomfortable conversation. Nathan showed love for his friend by confronting him about his sin (2 Sam 12).
If we want to be a good friend and attract good friends, we should be willing to take part in uncomfortable conversations. With ears to hear, we should be open to correction and seek friends who are humble enough to listen and receive correction as well. Being a good friend and attracting good friends, starts with having a humble heart that loves the Lord. In humility, good friends seek to become more like Christ. They model the fruits of the Spirit by being long-suffering in relationships- knowing that we are all sinful and need the grace of God in our daily walk (Gal 5:22-23).
When we stay in God’s Word, we begin to desire and lean on Him to direct us in our friendships. Loving relationships include correction that come from both God’s Word and His people (Prov. 12:1).
Good friends are willing to repent and forgive.
It’s not an easy task, but we are called to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. If we want to have healthy relationships, we first need to be willing to forgive- knowing that even those we trust and love will sin against us, and we too will sin against them.
I can admit, it’s “easier” to hold a grudge or meddle on past hurts- talking poorly of those who have sinned against us. But it’s important to first address our hurts with the person who hurt us, and bring that pain before God (Matt. 18:15-17). God will provide peace, comfort, and direction as we navigate our pain.
With that said, the Lord will also give guidance if this relationship is or isn’t one that is drawing us closer to Him, closer to others, or helping us become the person we’re called to be in Christ. There are “friendships” that can be very self-serving and toxic, where the other person is not repentant or willing to acknowledge their wrongdoing. These relationships are not safe to maintain in the long-run. While we can forgive the other person, sometimes these relationships are best kept at a distance. We can love the person from afar- praying the Holy Spirit will direct that person back to the path of righteousness.
Restored relationships come through repentance and forgiveness. Both are necessary for healthy, life-giving friendships. We see this modeled in how Peter responded after Jesus’ resurrection. Jesus forgave Peter for his betrayal, and Peter repented of his sin. The relationship was restored (John 21). Even if we don’t have a restored relationship with someone who hurt us, we can still forgive and leave it to God. Ultimately, good friendships involve both repentance and forgiveness.
Don’t give up hope in seeking healthy friendships. We have a God of hope who works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28). He desires for you to grow in relationship with Him, and He wants you to find the close friends that draw you closer to Him and help you grow into the person you were created to be in His image.
I had the privilege and wonderful opportunity to attend the Write-to-Publish conference at Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL this month. For my writing friends, if you haven’t attended this conference, I highly recommend it! It was so encouraging and helpful to be amongst Christian writers, speakers, and media creators. I loved meeting Christian writers from all over the world.
I took this photo next to College Church on Wheaton College’s campus. Struck by the beauty of the sun’s rays slipping through the clouds, I stopped my morning run to snap a picture. Later in the day, as I was showing the photo to a friend, I noticed I also captured a bird mid-flight. How beautiful is God’s creation!
I made so many wonderful friends at Write-to-Publish. This is Raewyn Nelsgood out of Sydney, Australia. She is a chaplain, writer, and speaker who brings aid to those who need disaster relief. Check her out here: https://www.raewynelsegood.com/
I’m also with my good friend, Rachel Knapp. She is a fantasy-fiction author who has already published several short stories. She creates fun video content on Instagram that highlights her work, and she is on her way to publishing her first book! I’m thankful to have Rachel as an encourager and close writing friend. Check her out here: https://www.rachelknappauthor.com/
During the conference, I was able to visit the Marion E. Wade Center. This museum specializes in preserving the works of six British authors: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Owen Barfield, Charles Williams, G.K. Chesterton, Dorothy L. Sayers, and George MacDonald. I was able to see the actual writing desks of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. I even got to the visit the wardrobe that inspired “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”. It was truly inspiring to be amongst the greatest works and creations from some of the best writers of the 19th and 20th Century.
J.R.R. Tolkien’s desk where he wrote “The Hobbit”
C.S. Lewis’ desk
The actual wardrobe that inspired, “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”.
I’m still working on my book! Thank you for your continued support and prayers as I continue this writing journey.
Keep seeking the Lord in your health and relationships!
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
The post Attracting & Keeping Healthy Friendships: What Qualities Make a Good Friend? appeared first on Fish Full Life.